Grief sucks. It is a constant pull on thoughts ,moods, and relationships. Like the elephant in the room that is sitting squarely on your chest. It presents a number of challenges, not to mention a whole lot of emotional dung piles to avoid. If there is a limit to the number of times the people I love will forgive me for my irrational, angry, outbursts, I am probably approaching it. Luckily, I have always been honest with them about my shortcomings...so expectations are already low.
We are currently in Florida, visiting my Mom...the widow. This is my first trip here without Dad. The plan was to come down and offer support to my grieving mom with the distraction of cute grandchildren and witty humor from her favorite daughter, (OK, I am the only daughter). However I didn't count on my good humor abandoning me, and the little cuties becoming, masters of antagonism. I underestimated the elephant. The effects of its' weight on all of us. Four days into our visit I have discovered that multi-generational grief is....a wild ride. Grumpy, distracted, adults, mixed with anxious needy children. All struggling to make sense of what is no longer here. Not the best combination for summer fun.
It has become apparent that I adjusted everybody's expectations of my capabilities, but my own. Not the first time, certainly won't be the last. So with 10 days left in our visit, is it time to get some perspective?.....or just buckle in my loved ones and my elephant for the bumpy road ahead?